How to Slav your car – How to be slav

Is your car as Boring as Potato from Last Season? slav

=rtrt

Does your car look like you borrowed it from Grandmama and forgot to give it back?

Do you need more Slavness in your life?

And just a bit more hardbasss?

Well no problem! Boris is here to help!

Here is 10 Simple ways how to Slav your car.

It’s BORIS!

*Sum Russian music idk

Every true slav know that the slavination process begin with clean car.

Sponge. Water. Soap. It Is all you need.

Combine with some of that Blin power.. and BOOM! You have clean car.

STEP 1: Adidas Pinstripe

Once you have cleaned your Blin machine, It’s time to put on Three Stripe of Adidas.

But Since you do not actually have money to pay for pinstripe paintshop, then you know… you just use white tape instead.

You put on just enough stripes to match your tracksuit, For advanced Slav I suggest put Stripe on roof aswell. This way everyone know you have adidas tracksuit, even when Police are chasing you with helicopter.

STEP 2: Dashcam

Everybody know that Dashcam is best source of entertainment. You put one up and hope for the best, then you upload to YouTube. Get Famous. Get Rich. And Get all the Slav girls. Very Well Done!

STEP 3 Bass for Hardbass

This also very important step in getting attention of girls. Trust me, you don’t want anyone thinking your listening to classical music in there. Put in subwoofer. Bigger is better. Trust me. And this will turn this..

*Classical Music

Into this..

*REALLY HARDBASS

STEP 4: Steering wheel cover

No matter the car that you have, is it Mercedes or Porsche or Ferrari..? No one cares! Unless the true slavic steering wheel cover….. Well that the blin is this?!

Ooh! Opa! It is the true slav, the only cover you ever need. Also the perfect one to match your shoes.

STEP 5: Seat Covers

Driver comfort always come first. So there is no reason for you to suffer on those basic chairs! BOOM! Luxury massage beads. Increase your driving skill and reduce stress by 5.

And passenger seat can have any old rag you find on street. Is not your problem that payday comes only one a month.

STEP 6: Rear seat Luxury

If driver comfort No.1 then backseat is for kings. Follow this step and no longer have to humiliate yourself. First thing you do? BOOM! Russian carpet everywhere. Lay this beautiful masterpeice that you borrowed from your Mama’s place, put in some nice pillows, and a nice little Kakadu to keep company entertained.

STEP 7: Dust Caps

So what you thinking what is this small detail is just dust caps? But no. I say is very important. For Slav a nice dustcap is sign of authority, It says..

“You better come and F*cking try take my dust caps, Ckya!”

I park where I want Blin!

Step 8: Bumper Badges

Nobody wants to actually see your car model written on your bumper. Everyone knows it’s Golf. Who cares?! Instead you put on imidating engine size, this way the other grandmamas with their Golf’s they will know to keep their distance.

Also, BOOM! A nice Gopnik award, and nice little slav squat area sticker as well. Oh, you want these too? Find them in Merchendise shop. Link in description.

But now remember. Other half of car is so lonley

🙁

So, what do we do? You go to shop and buy some of these chrome letters, What you write is up to you, more slav the better. Blin Machine. Blyatmobile. Or maybe just call it the slavinator. But my car is BLIN 1.

STEP 9: Air Filter

So if it is legal in your region, you can swap out that boring air filter that the mechanics advise you to use, slap in one of those good old cone air filters and just for minute forget the fact that it’s sucking in sand and rocks and your neighbour’s dog. And just enjoy the nice little…

VROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM

STEP 10: Rear View Mirror Ornaments

For slavs the rear mirror is the place you show your beliefs and unless your beleifs is to make your car smell like at toilet you remove the air freshener sh*t and replace it with a nice little mayonez scented refreshener.

Or maybe you like to party, put up nice little chandelier. There is nothing wrong with showing your interests.

If you are a slav superstar like me, you put up chain of course.

Or maybe you really like to cook, then you put up emergency grader, in case of cheese emergencies..

You like shopping? Who doesn’t? You might as well show it. Put shopping cart.

Or if you are a true slav, then this should be something more your style.

EXTRAS

More things to remember, always have ready your slavphone and holder and since it’s illegal to hold your phone while driving, here is perfect accessory for you. And it’s multifunctial.

Ring ring, Blyat. Mama Calling. Hello? Mama? Is soup ready?

Also, since your car does not have cupholders, We fix thi

s problem right now! But none of these XL cup sizes, this perfect enought for shot glass.

then the back seat is for kings.

Follow this step and no longer do you have to humiliate yourself.

First thing you do?

Boom! Russian carpet everywhere.

Lay out this beautiful masterpiece

that you “borrowed” from your mama’s place.

Put in some nice pillows

and a nice little teddy bear to keep your company entertained.

[nice slav music]

So you’re thinking; What is this small detail?

It’s just.. Dustcaps.

But no, I say it’s very important.

For slavs, a nice dustcap is a sign of authority.

It says:

You better come and fucking try and take my dustcaps, suka!

I park where I want, blin.

[nice slav music]

Nobody actually wants to see your car model

written on your bumper.

Everybody knows it’s Golf, who cares?

Instead put on an intimidating engine size logo.

This way the other grandmas with their Golfs,

they will know if they should keep distance.

Also, Boom! A nice Gopnik award

and a nice little slav squat area sticker aswell

Oh you want these too?

Find them in the merchandise shop, link in the description.

But remember now: The other half of the car is so lonely,

so what do we do?

You go to a shop and buy some of these, chrome letters.

What you write is up to you.

The more slav, the better.

Blin Machine, Blyatmobile

or maybe just call it, The Slavinator.

But my car, is Blin 1.

[nice slav music]

So if it is uhh… Legal in your region,

You can swap out that boring air filter

that the mechanics advise you to use

and slap in one of those good old cone air filters.

And just for a minute forget the fact that it’s sucking in

sand, rocks and your neighbour’s dog.

And just enjoy the nice little:

[nice slav music]

For slavs, the rear view mirror is the place you show your beliefs

and unless your belief is to make your car smell like a toilet,

you remove that air refresher shit.

And replace it with a nice little mayonnaise scented refresher.

Or maybe you really like to party,

put up a nice little chandelier.

There’s nothing wrong with showing your interests!

If you’re a slav superstar like me,

you put up your chain of course.

Or maybe you really like to cook,

then you put up an emergency grader.

In case of cheese emrgencies.

You like shopping? Who doesn’t

You might aswell show it.

Put up an shopping cart!

Or if you are an true slav,

then this might be something more your style.

[nice slav music]

More things to remember,

Always have your smartphone, and holder.

And since it is, ILLEGAL to hold your smartphone while driving.

Here is the perfect acessory for you.

And it’s multifunctional!

*RING RING* Blyat, Mama calling!

Hello? Mama? Is the soup ready?

Also since your car does not have cupholders,

we fix it right now.

But none of them are XL cup sizes.

This is perfect enough for a shot.

For driving and having a nice shot of, Bloshoi glass.

Well thank you for watching, my friends.

I hope this helps you find your way in this slavic world

And helps you get that slav girl, that you always wanted.

Drive safe, my friends.

And stay CHEEKI BREEKI!

I will see you next time.

[VROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM]

[CHEEKI BREEKI HARDBASS MUSIC]